get the picture

The iPhone 4S  is the best tech thing ever in my life....and this is why

I love pictures. I love looking at pictures and examining the artistic composition.  I love taking pictures, and finding that perfect shot. The moments I see behind the lens are breath taking, and I capture them so that they will always leave me breathless. That, and it is the only way to "keep" the children little. When I hold Smash it seems like it was just last week that it was Songbird's baby fine curls and milky breath that captured my heart and refused to let go.  Songbird will be older than I am now when Smash graduates high school.  Pictures will help show how much she adored him when neither one remember.

Being the mommy, especially the stay at home mommy, I am the one who takes the pictures, not stars in them.  When the kids were little, they were too little to take pictures.  When they were older, they decided that they would rather let me take the shots, something about me being particular; and when I was hit with the combination of my metabolism grinding to a screeching halt along with being pregnant three times in a four year span, I was more than happy to keep hidden behind the camera.

With the arrival of Smash I began to realize something.  Aside from the fact that I needed to spend more moments without the camera and actually living in the moment, there were very few moments with me in them.  If something happened to me, would they remember me?  Would they remember how I loved them so much I swear my heart would burst? Would they remember my kisses on their cheeks, and holding them tight?  What would they remember about me?  And as I looked through the pictures, I realized they wouldn't have much to remember how I looked.  I may not like how I look, but they look at me day and night and love me.  Starlet informed me that I was "the most beautiful mommy in the world" today, and insisted that we carve a pumpkin with my face on it.

So I have started being in the picture, double chins, goofy grin and all.  Unfortunately I am still usually the only around who is old enough to take a picture, which leads me to having a new found love affair with my phone.  The flip camera allows some startlingly close, but inclusive pictures with my kidlets.  Pictures of us smiling genuine smiles and being silly.

Pictures of them nuzzled sleepily against me.  Pictures of Smash, so small and sweet, being nursed, worn in carriers, and laughing in his sleep in my arms.

I may never learn to leave the camera behind while the kids play in the sunbeams, swing on the swings, and jump in the leaf piles. I highly doubt the camera veiw of myself is going to be something that doesn't cause me to cringe (or I confess cry) while I still have young children that need carried, corraled and kissed. But for right now, in this time, the two things are combined - and for that I am gratful.