But there are also chocolate chips!

 Part Two

So in the first part of the post, life for our little family (okay so five kids is probably not little)  was looking a little on the bleak side. We certainly are facing challenges.  But we are also incredibly blessed

Chocolate chip #1 - Communication!

For a family full of chatterboxes, it turns out that we really don't say very much to each other - or at least what we should be saying. The past seven weeks have opened my eyes to how much has been left unsaid.  We have all been working together so that we saying the things that need to be said, and avoiding things that don't need to be said.  This means less arguing and snapping at each other.

Chocolate chip #2 - Songbird

Now that we know more about what is going on with my little Songbird, we are learning more on how to help her spread her wings in the best ways possible. 

Chocolate chip # 3 - New directions

Our business had been struggling for a while, causing massive issues with our personal finances as we tried to help keep it afloat.  In retrospect we probably should have hoisted a rowboat and abandoned ship long ago, and we definitely have taken on some water with trying to stick it out.  But now we know better, know what to do the in the future, and know with certainty that closing the business and making different choices are what we need to do.  Onward to the next adventure!

Chocolate chip # 4 - New locations

Moving here caused a major blow to Songbird's personal identity that she has never quite recovered from.  After three years of trying to make it work, with the Grimm determination of Cinderella's evil stepsisters and their desire to fit into a glass slipper, I give.  We are in the process of making arrangements to move.  We have a final destination goal in mind, and might have to make some temporary spots along the way, but we will get there.  With the weight of constant arguing and needling about giving here a chance, and making more of an effort to like it lifted, things feel so much better in the house.  Aside from the poor air quality, we can all breathe again.

Chocolate chip # 5 - Letting the little things go

I admit it, the little things drive me crazy. Walking from room to room and finding mess in each one was enough to make me a raging volcano of burning lava most days.  The fact that having a house clean to my standards and having five kids were two completely incompatible ideas did not escape me, but that didn't stop me from trying.  It also didn't escape Starlet, who said on a frequent basis

"Mommy, you love kids right?"
Yes honey, I love kids very much.
But you don't like messes.
No
But kids make messes.  You might have wanted to think about that."

With everything that has happened, the mess has been the least of my concerns.  It's a mess, and it will get cleaned up.  And a new mess will probably replace it.  .And that is okay.  Since I stopped erupting about messes, I have made a few observations.  One is that my house is just the same amount of clean, or perhaps a little cleaner that when I was erupting all the time trying to get it clean.  Two is that I have an easier time letting go of things we don't need.

Chocolate chip # 6 - Remembering what's important

Recently in my hometown there was a huge amount of community support for a young child struggling to battle cancer.  I knew many people who were close to the family of the child quite well, and had met the family themselves previously.  The battle was both horrendously and mercifully short.  One day he was just a little small fry going about his business, then he developed cancer, and less than two years later he was taken up to heaven, just a few weeks shy of his ninth birthday.  His family is amazing and humbles me through their example.  In the clenching grasp of their grief they have been generous to others. Rallying support for donations of toys for Toys for Tots, paying for people in line around them, baking cookies, and singing carols. 

I shared their story, when it ended, with my children.  I reminded them that though their siblings could be a royal pain, that they should still be grateful and appreciative of their lives, and the joy they bring us.  I hold each of my children closer now, and am so grateful that I have the opportunity to get frustrated with their choices, to worry about them, and to love them.  To kiss their foreheads and the palms of their hands, and breathe them in deep.