Unconditional love

My five year old son's spirit is beautiful. He is kind, gentle, caring, nurturing, and a bit of a diva.    I have more than one shot of him photo bombing his siblings wearing skinny jeans and a bright sequined vest.  He loves to style my hair, or even better yet - his hair.  He has impeccable fashion sense when it is called for, which I would blame on his three older sisters, but their fashion sense is, well, unique...or eclectic.  But I could be wrong and purple fringed cowboy boots might just be the new "black." He also was more excited about his sister's tea party set she got for her birthday than she was.  But this could be due to self preservation. She is about twice his weight and she has been known to be firm when suggesting what they play. 

His is also a high need snuggler.  I have literally held him for hours cuddled so close and tight that he might as well have climbed back inside, and when I finally shoo him off my lap have him say "But I wanted cuddles."This week he was lectured at school repeatedly for hugging, kissing, and snuggling other students.  The boys in particular.

And so, in our minds, though not allowed the question came up.  Is my son merely displaying behaviors typical of being a victim playmate to his three older sisters diabolical torture schemes imaginative play or is he....?

Five years old is really too little to be wondering these things.  Especially about a boy who is at the tail end of three princesses and who loves to be with his Mommy.  But as I thought about it, I thought less about whether or not he, or any of my children, were gay, and more about what I wanted my children to know, and what I wanted our family to be like.

I never want the terms "coming out" to be used in my family.  Coming out of the closet means that for a while, at some point, they were hidden.  They hid who they were, and hid their feelings.  People hide when they are afraid.  I don't want my children to be afraid, especially of me or members of our family.  I don't want them to feel that they have to hide away a part of them, or who they are.  In my family I want it to be simple - that they are known and that they are loved.  All, meaning the whole, of them.  Unquestionably.

*******************************************************
November 3, 2013

So much has happened since I first started writing the last post, as is prone to happening in a busy family with dogs, chickens, children, toads and so on.

I went for a ladies night out with members of a parenting group I am part of.  One of the mom's spoke about the challenges she was facing with her teenager, who is the same age as my oldest.  She commented that they had gone through a "scare" last year when their daughter thought she might be gay, and that it "was the last thing you ever wanted to hear" and one of the worst things to happen to a family.  I smiled politely, and finished eating my strawberry cheesecake as the other moms continued to pick at their salads, removing the croutons and toppings, and ultimately not finishing theirs for fear of the extra calories.  Two things struck me. 

One = perhaps this isn't the right group for me.  I enjoy food, and am comfortable with where I am at.  I am not thin, and I am never going to be.  Being healthy is important, and so is setting an example for good physical fitness for my children.  But after that, give me the cheesecake and the flavored coffee creamer.  And their croutons.

Two = how could a child being gay be the worst thing? Why is it so terrible?  Why is it worse than addiction, cancer, incurable disease? As I currently am dealing with challenges of watching extended family members struggle with mental illnesses and addictions, I say those are worse.

I am not naïve.  I know that children, teens, and adults still struggle immensely with prejudice against homosexuality.  It does not escape me that Corretta Scott King died campaigning for "gay rights" as the next civil rights movement.  Despite the wildly popular "It Gets Better" campaign and landmark legislation across the country, there is still so much progress to be made.  But it is hardly the worst thing that a child could say or that could happen in a family.

The worst thing that could happen is for a parent to stop loving their child.